During the busy holiday season, you can expect plenty of delays! We recommend you spend a few hours before your departure practicing the screaming, profanity-laced tantrums you’ll unleash on hapless, underpaid information desk receptionists.
Remember, always pack light. We suggest bringing just enough miniature bottles of vodka to get you through a little over half of your expected transit, and then fill the rest of the trip with sleeping off your hangover.
Afraid to leave your luggage by itself to make a quick run to the bathroom? Try putting a wet rag on top of your bags. Nobody will wanna touch that shit.
"You’ve played memory games before…"
We don’t know where the technology came from.
When we bought the building, alls we really knew about it was that it was used by the government throughout the fifties and into the seventies. It hadn’t been used much since then. We asked why it hadn’t been sold off before, which was met with shrugs. They said it just had to be cleared out of sensitive documents, materials, stuff that would be embarrassing to public officials. Thirty years seemed like a long time to do some cleaning, I remember saying, to which they laughed and gave us the old, oh you know how it is, how bureaucratic these things can be. Government negligence and general not-giving-a-shit, stuff ends up languishing in red tape forever. But selling off these old buildings looks good now, with the budget and all that, so here we are. Makes sense.
We found them in a box on the lowest level. Well, most of them. The first one we found was somewhere on the first floor, in the third or fourth room, leaned against a corner. I remember someone, Thomas I think, went over and picked it up. We figured it was some old scraps that got left behind, some sort of goofy component. We carried it with us, from room to room. I don’t know why we didn’t throw it out right away. Someone said it “looked neat”? Something like that.
It wasn’t too much later that we found the box of them. And then, after that, it seemed like we were finding them all over the warehouse.
Stuffed into nooks and crannies, hidden behind rusted filing cabinets, laid across each other in piles of two or three. In an upstairs lavatory, we found three trashcans filled with them, one in each stall. They were all over the building. We found some when we knocked out a dividing wall downstairs, they’d been wrapped in fiberglass insulation and stuffed inside. We just kind of gathered them up, tossed them into one corner of the room, figured we’d find some use for’em. It never occurred to us to throw them out, to dispose of them. We found them there and I guess we figured we should leave’em there.
I don’t remember who first discovered what Loopz was, exactly. There wasn’t some big, revelatory moment, no grandiose unlocking. Figuring out what these things were was just another thing going on, shelved in between placing orders for furniture and putting up wallpaper. Eventually, somebody figured out they were some kind of toy prototype, they were, I don’t know, one of those Bop-It like things. We’d goof off with them sometimes, play around for a bit before getting back to work, or stick around for a few minutes after work to screw around. We laughed a lot. It was fun. A lot of fun.
Eventually, I guess, we started playing them more than we did anything else.
At some point, we decided we had to share Loopz with the world. It seemed so, I don’t know, right. We began to forget what brought us to the building in the first place. To us, it seemed so obvious. We had been brought there by Loopz. We had been brought there to share Loopz with the world, to take children’s memory games to the next level.
We needed an audience.
I just want to say we’re sorry to everyone we exposed Loopz to. It’s clear, looking back on it, that we had no idea what we were doing. We thought we were bringing a challenging, entertaining party game to a wider demographic. We thought we were going to redefine fun for a new generation.
We don’t think I even know what fun is anymore.
Ohh, yeah, there definitely may have been an issue on my end for choppy graphics. Choppy also was honestly a pretty poor word choice, if we’re talking about the instant-kill enemies, as my main critique of their appearance had a lot more to do with the suddenness occasionally backfiring when it felt absurd rather than terrifying. Terry Gilliamesque would be a better way to describe it.
And yes! I was trying to emphasize in my review that I definitely think the game is still worth playing as a short, freeware game, but I know that tone doesn’t come out. My critique is more intended to be taken as part of a larger dialogue rather than “on it’s own”. I think my main problem is that I didn’t really discuss that, even with all the issues I had with it, I still had fun, I just wasn’t as scared as I hoped.
I played it about a dozen times while working on the article! I was just trying to write it without discussing specific details too much because I was trying to balance critiquing specific problems I had with it without just completely spoiling/ruining everything about it. It’s also been ages since I’ve written a proper review so it was mostly a practice write.